Bad Country Song Titles

I've been rereading through the archives of Questionable Content (which I highly recommend).
One characters, Sven, makes a living writing cheesy pop-country songs. Some of his titles include "You Stole My Heart, You Stole My Dog, But You Ain't Gonna Steal My Chevy", "She dumped me so I had her trailer towed", and "Me an' You an' a Gun-Rack for Two".

This got me thinking about far-fetched country music titles. Of course, when working in a genre that's given us titles like "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" and "Dropkick Me Jesus (Through the Goalposts of Life)", it's hard to come up with a title that is too farfetched to be true.

So it seems to me that there's some opportunity for a game there that consists of a) trying to construct the most far-fetched song title possible, and b) taking the title seriously and coming up with a song (or approach to a song) that fits the title.

The first bad song title I came up with was "Fluids are Leaking From My Eyes."

When I started thinking about this title, though, it seemed pretty easy to come up with a treatment:
The singer is an emotionally unavailable man, who can't acknowledge that he's crying. So he's describing his grief after a breakup as if he's telling a doctor about his symptoms. The chorus begins:

So I told him...
Fluids are leaking from my eyes all right
And my chest hurts when I think about you at night
...

So here's the game:
With each reply, give a treatment for the song title that you're replying to, and then add a cheesy song title of your own for the next person to reply to.

Starting title: "Nothing For Me, But a Beer for my Dog". Take it away.