Silly Wizards

[ralphmelton]

This random tavern generator from Wizards of the Coast is just silly.

Check out this tavern it generated:

Tavern Name: Lonesome Gargoyle
Bartender: Male half-orc, 9th-level ranger
Interesting Clientele: Gang of half-orc street toughs, adventurers planing their next move.
Rumors Overheard: An evil wizard has developed a new type of golem. A druid needs help defending her grove against goblins.
Accommodations: Noble (a large private room with large bed, private bath with hot water on request, snacks on request, and private chamber pot in a separate chamber) for 1 gp/day
Today's Menu:

Breakfast: Fried perch, Chicken eggs, Dragon turtle omelet, Apple, Flatbread (cost 1gp).

Lunch: Triceratops steak, Curds, Carrots, Dates (cost 2gp).

Supper: Whole duck, Lentils, Turnips, Rice, Berry pie (cost 2gp).

Snack: Soft cheese, Sea-grapes, Coarse rye bread (cost 8sp).

In case it's not obvious, let me point out a few odd things:

- this tavern is run by a 9th-level ranger. A city of 5-12,000 people might have one or two 9th-level rangers. Doesn't this ranger have something better to do?
- Look at the menu. If you're able to serve real dragon turtle omelets and triceratops steak, you're not going to price it at the same price as 'whole duck'.

Comments

[ralphmelton.livejournal.com]

I've discovered that all the 'rumors overheard' entries come from the 'one hundred adventure ideas' table on p. 138-139 of the DMG.

[beegle.livejournal.com]

Think of it as a challenge. That's what the random encounter tables are -for-.

Plenty of old sports stars retire and start restaurants. Why wouldn't a ranger? By 9th level, he probably has a reasonable reputation and can make some money on the side training new rangers. Maybe he was good enough that the ranger business was no longer interesting. Maybe while he was spending cold wet nights without a proper campfire (because the baddies would see him), he dreamed of owning a warm and comfortable inn. He made a big haul (offed a dragon or something) and decided to cash in and live out his dream.

As to the food: it's just a matter of supply and demand. Maybe there's a local herd of triceratops that's been trampling the local crops, so there's a bounty on them (and thus, a surplus of meat). Maybe triceratops meat is really tasty, but it's tough as shoe leather, so it doesn't fetch a premium price. I don't know what a dragon turtle is, but similar things could apply. Maybe the local wizard needs the occasional egg for a spell and is willing to pay a huge premium a few times per year, but the rest of the time, they'll go wasted if they're not used, so the tavern owner picks them up cheap from the wizard's cook. Maybe one egg'll feed a dozen people. Maybe those omlets are 90% chicken egg with just a wee bit of dragon turtle thrown in to sound exotic.